Chris Linfoot | DOGTRAQ: Memo to Milo

Saturday, 25. August 2007

DOGTRAQ: Memo to Milo

What is it with dogs?

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From: Chris (Head of Household; Alpha Male; poor shmuck who pays for your Shmackos)

To: Milo: (Wannabe Alpha Dog; most junior member of Linfoot household; net contribution to family wealth and welfare: barking at the postman)

Subject: Gross misconduct during family outing

Milo, while I am glad that you enjoyed your first trip to the seaside today, there are a couple of matters arising which I feel we should discuss.

Firstly, on the matter of seawater, you have evidently found out the hard way why seawater is generally regarded as non-potable, being full of salt and other less wholesome ingredients. Water, water, every where, nor any drop to drink, as the old saying goes. Not that I expect you to recognise Coleridge - you're only a dog after all.

Secondly, on the matter of lamp posts, I am aware of the canine convention which accepts the use of lamp posts as latrines. Further, it is admittable that the lamp post and the human leg do bear the most tangential of similarities to one another in that, topologigally speaking, they are both quasi cylindrical objects often to be observed in approximately vertical orientation. But, and I really cannot emphasise this point enough, any similarity begins and ends there. It is therefore more than a little disappointing that you chose, today, to demonstrate your flagrant disregard for generally accepted canine latrine behaviour through your misuse of the left legs of three passing members of the public.

You're grounded until further notice.

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